


Robert's anguish

by Margorobron



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-24
Updated: 2017-02-24
Packaged: 2018-09-26 14:41:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9905690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Margorobron/pseuds/Margorobron
Summary: The sentence has been given and Robert finds himself in the back room, all alone with his thoughts, but then....





	

Robert held his hand close to his ribs to relieve some of the pain. There was already a dent in that wall, so he hoped he hadn't added to it. He was satisfied that his hand was throbbing, stinging and generally causing him to catch his breath should he try to move a finger. He welcomed that pain. He deserved that and more.  
Why was he such a prat?! He had been warned. Several times. Rebecca meant trouble. If not to him personally, then to his relationship with Aaron. Aaron could not accept that it was merely a business relationship, despite his continuous assurances that that was indeed the case. Ok, Robert may have overstepped the mark a bit. Well yes, quite a lot, if he were being truly honest. He had made Aaron so jealous that it had almost brought about the end of their beautiful relationship. For a while everything seemed to be hanging in the balance. He had promised he would be there for Aaron.always. He would never have to be on his own again. Did he keep.that promise? No. At the first hurdle he had crashed and burned. All because he had to prove to himself that he could still use his charms on Rebecca. Wasn't that really what it was all about? Despite the fact that he truthfully had no real interest in her at all.  
Because of the insane jealousy which he, Robert was fanning, Aaron now faced months in prison, scared and once again alone.  
Robert s feelings were threatening to overwhelm him.  
"No!" he told himself." You must be strong!"  
He thought of Liv and how vulnerable her world had become. She was depending on him, Robert, to keep her safe, to keep her going, to help her to cope without the only one she could really depend on. He must be strong for her.  
But who was going to be strong for him? Who was there for him? One half of him was missing . Gone. For twelve months. How could he be expected to cope with that? His heart was pounding in his chest. He screwed his eyes up tight to stop the stinging . His lower lip was beginning to tremble.  
"No" he shouted to himself once again."If you want to feel sorry for someone, feel sorry for Aaron, not yourself! He is the one that's been taken away. Wrongly. He didn't deserve that. He was so sorry it had happened He had even said he was to blame.  
But he wasn't , was he. No one was more aware of that than Robert. He said he had changed and yet here he was, still having to prove something, despite the fact that he only had eyes for Aaron.  
Aaron. Soft, gentle Aaron. He wouldn't hurt a fly. He was provoked ! Don't lock him up ! He has just got married. He should be on his honeymoon, not stuck in a prison cell, all alone , frightened , missing the love of his life.  
The feelings of despair welled up once again in Robert's throat. He banged both fists on the table before once again screwing his eyes up so tightly. He rested his elbows on the table, his hands clenched around handfuls of hair, tugging until it hurt. He tried not to breathe . He didn't deserve to breathe. It should be him being locked up in there. Not Aaron, his sweet, gentle Aaron. His arms began to shake and his knees started to knock together.  
Be strong! Don't give in to it. That isn't an option! Focus on Liv and how she must be feeling. Aaron is her rock, her guardian, her father figure.  
"But he is my rock too!" Robert thought."People see it as the other way round but that isn't the case . Robert is no rock. Without Aaron he crumbles. Like he is now. He will go to their bedroom soon, but it will hold only one sleeper. Liv doesn't have to deal with that!  
Robert stifled a sob and shivered.  
"This isn't working. I can't do this. I don't like this game. I don't want to play !" he thought." Tell me it's just a dream; just a nasty spiteful dream and in a moment I will wake up and it will be all over."  
But no. That is not going to happen. It isn't a dream. This is reality. His beautiful Aaron has been taken away from him, just as things were beginning to take shape and almost suggest a bright future.  
Robert almost laughed out loud at the irony of that statement. Another shudder rocked his body as he became aware that there was someone else in the room. He heard a chair move quietly, encroaching his personal space. Who could it be? It's not Liv. She went to bed a couple hours ago. It isn't Chas. Robert would know her perfume anywhere .Vic. Poor Vic. So worried .  
" I must hold it together if it is Vic "he told himself, to prove he didn't need her anxious glances.  
Diane ? Probably not. She would be home with her hot steaming cup of cocoa without any further thought of his beloved husband all on his own in a horrendous new world.  
"Husband. All mine . But he isn't .He's been taken away. After just one day. It's so not fair. It's ....."  
Whoever was seated beside him didn't say a word, didn't make a sound. He felt a touch on the top of his arm, feather light and yet warm and comforting. The hand moved gently, saying what the voice refrained from sharing.  
"It's ok" the hand seemed to say. "It's ok to hurt. It's ok to let go. It's ok to mourn the loss. "  
Robert tried to prise his eyes open to find out who this loving companion might be. He was tired. He was so, so tired. He felt that he had used up every last drop of energy in the pretence that he was ok, was strong, could cope.  
But he couldn't kid himself. He knew the truth. He knew he was just a lost lonely little boy who so needed someone to be there for him..  
The hand stopped moving and the arms became outstretched. The welcoming comfort he so desperately needed. The walls came tumbling down as he fell into the embrace. He accepted the warmth and compassion silently offered and he clung tightly as if his whole being depended on it. He buried his head in the comforting shoulder and he cried. He cried and cried.  
Tonight he needed these arms and this shoulder.  
Tomorrow in the cold light of day, he would regret displaying this vulnerability, this total abandonment of everything Robert Sugden stood for.  
But tonight, he was protected from the grim thought of awakening to face an empty day - the first day without his beautiful husband . Tonight, he thanked God for the opportunity to accept this unquestioning support and understanding, which he had found in.......

Paddy!


End file.
